June

We have decided to cycle in June.  I hope this is our lucky month!  I want to go into this believing again that I did everything I could to make a healthy baby.  I just believe my older body needs three months to gear up for IVF. 

I talked to my nurse yesterday and we are moving forward with Protocol 3 with testoterone.  The protocol is very new and people have just started stimming so we will see if it is the "magic" we need to make more eggs.  If truth be told I am leaning toward the protocol with ganirelx at the start because it was our best protocol that addresses the dominant protocol issue.  I have a month to see what happens with other patients - always keeping in mind that everybody is different.  I just feel good that I have a date. 

Please note that CCRM's lab will be closed the first week of July.  Double check with your nurse.  

Decisions! Decisions!

I received Protocol 3 from my nurse on Friday.  The prep time begins on Day 1 the cycle before you start stimming which would mean starting my meds in three weeks for an April cycle.  I think its better to wait three months, but I would be pushing up against the June/July CCRM lab closure. 

Here is a link to protocol 3 http://humrep.oxfordjournals.org/content/21/7/1884.full It looks promising for women like me.  Low responders with normal FSH numbers.  Mine is inching toward higher than normal.
I have a few concerns - will I develop a dominant follicle with this treatment and will I be oversuppressed? 

I could play it safe and go with the protocol that worked with my last RE?  I didn't get a ton of eggs, but at least I had a few to work with.  They retrieved 7 and 4 fertilized. 

I wish I knew what to do? 

The waiting is over

I feel a bit a relief that I took a pregnancy test this morning and it was a BFN and that my period has started.  The progesterone had major effects on me this time.  I had heart burn, orgasms in sleep, sleepiness and weird twitching.  

I can see how people can give up after a few cycles.  I had so much endurance in the beginning.  I thought I could go through a million cycles if it would just bring me our baby.  I don't know how some woman do it.  In the end, I did everything I could to make this cycle a good one.  I took a lot of daily supplements, ate foods that would nourish my follicles, exercised to increase blood flow, listened to meditation CDs, and went to acupuncture. 

I'm really tired and yet life hasn't stopped.  I still have to get up and try to be a good wife, sister, daughter - friend.  I'm not ready to commit to next steps.  I'm sure they will involve CCRM, but I'm not excited or looking forward to tackling the next roller coaster ride.   

I am looking forward to having sex with my husband.  I am going to finish my painting project and drink champagne at a St. Pat's party I'm planning to attend.  I'm going to try to be the fun person I knew before IF. 

My 2WW

I'm in a weird 2WW.  I'm not obessesing about POAS to find out if I have two lines.  I really think our chances that this IUI worked are 1%. 

I want to go home and paint.  My family does not think its a good idea because I could be pregnant.  We are going out tomorrow and I can't drink because I could be pregnant.  I wish we would have retrieved then I would have had at least 4 weeks to not think about the possibilty of two lines.

All of this "maybe pregnant talk" now has me paying closer attention to my uterus.  I had a a little piching feeling yesterday.   - hmmm might that be our blastocyst attaching to my uterus?  This is not my first time, I know these are the effects of progesterone.   

I haven't scheduled the beta test.  I guess I'll just see how it goes next week.
 

Resolve

We had record attendance last night at my Resolve group because of anchor, Alisyn Camerota's courage to talk about her struggle on the Today show Feb 24.  She encourages woment to seek support.  If you do not have a support group in your area, I encourage you to contact Resolve and see if they will allow you to start one.  So many of our members come away with resources, unused medication, and reading material.          

Back to Work

I really thought this day would be horrible.  I thought people would think bad things of me because I was out of the office for two weeks, but I don't think anyone really noticed too much.  The people who did notice I was out seemed happy to see me back.

I'm so glad I took the chance and went to CO.  Traveling for treatment is teaching me that its ok to be away from work and take care of yourself.  I would have never dreamed of taking two weeks of sick time just one year ago because I would have worried about my work reputation.   

I suggest getting flowers for your first day back.  I received a beautiful bouquet of gerber daises.  They have really brightened my day!  

We regrouped

It sorta went as expected.  The reason for the failure is my poor response to the drugs which extended our treatment and my age.  There was nothing we can do to prevent it.

I believe I will ask for an ultrasound before ER if my LH ever climbs over 15 and inches toward 20.  An LH surge above 20 is in danger of initiating a surge.  I always asked for my estrogen, but never my LH.  I never understood its importance. Lucky me - I now know one more thing about human reproduction! 

We talked about putting me on a microdose lupron protocol.  In the past, this one just didn't work.  I had 4 eggs retrieved and only one fertilized.  Because my eggs suck, I need quantity so I pushed for another go at the antagonist protocol.  He suggested adding testosterone.  I've never had much, so maybe this will help?  I'm just hoping for one good embryo - two when all is said and done.  I don't think that is too much to ask for.   

I think Dr. S does not give any help to those who are getting help through insurance.  We really have been blessed in that arena.  I also wonder sometimes if we had to pay out of pocket, would we have looked at success rates more closely and found CCRM sooner.  There is good and bad sides to every story!

Thank you to all who stop by and give me support.  I came on here as an outlet and to help document everything that went on.  All of you are a nice bonus! 

Questions

We have our regroup in a few hours and I really don't know what to say or what to question?