Blighted Ovum???

Tuesday we went in for our ultrasound to SEE a heartbeat.  30 minutes before our appointment I passed a clot and started bleeding.  I called my CCRM nurse and she said it happens often, not to worry.  I called my friend who had the same thing happen to her and she calmed me down.

During the ultrasound we found the source of my bleeding - subchronic hematoma.  We asked several times if everything looked ok and the tech said development could swing forward and backward 3/4 days.  She did not see a heartbeat, but it could arrive later in the day.  She said everything was fine. 

We walked up to pay and the receptionist had tears in her eyes and said how sorry she was for us.  Jeff and I looked at each other like what the hell just happened?  My monitoring clinic wanted to take a blood draw.  I called my CCRM nurse to see if she wanted me to do anything else before we left and she was not available.  The person who answered the phone said we needed to get a Rhogam shot because I am O-.  My heart is now racing and I feel like people are not being straight with us about the state of the pregnancy.

Later, I get a call from one of the CCRM nurses.  She explained the purpose of the Rhogam shot.  She recalculated my days and let me know that today I'm actually 6w 1 day pregnant and that it could be too early to see a heartbeat.  My other CCRM nurse thought we were 6w 3 days pregnant.  

Later, I get another call and the CCRM nurse and I learned that my gestational sac was a little irregular.  This is not a good sign. 

The next day I called my regular CCRM nurse to find out that the tech said she could not clearly make out a yolk sac or fetal pole and that I had irregular subtations inside the gestational sac and the outside of the sac is usually smoother.  They have me going back on Monday, but all of this is not good. 

My nurse let me know that if my ultrasound is bad then I will stop all meds and get a period.  We will wait until my HCG drops to 0 and then we can begin again.   

I did some googling and learned that I have a blighted ovum.  Most attribute it to genetics or bad egg or sperm.  Our embryo was tested.  I blame myself because I think it might have happened when my progesterone became really low and we did not get to it for several days.

I don't know what to think and feel.  I have moments of tears.  We are both so tired of all of this.