Where we are

I hadn't cried since Christmas until this IVF went south.  I hate being sad and depressed.  I try really hard not to be sad.  We have stayed busy since returning home from CO and that helped.  Today, I'm at home trying to work, but mostly I'm just thinking about what happened and how to proceed.  I've thought about calling it quits and going the DE route so I can begin the life I always wanted with my husband.  I emailed the DE, Adoption Resolve group so that I can gather resources.  I've also thought about missing out on the opportunity to have a child genetically linked to me and my husband.  I always hoped our child would have his curly hair, my brown eyes, his smarts and my temperament.

I do love going through IVF with my husband.  He is so helpful and we work together as a team.  Outside of IVF, we migrate toward the things we are most interested in.  I'm a girly girl and he is all boy so our interests don't usually include each other.  Our big main shared interest is our home.   

I'm kinda scared of our regroup with Dr. S.  I'm mad that we had a shitty cycle and he wanted to proceed and that we got nothing in the end.  It doesn't matter where you go, you must stay on top of your cycle and ask many questions.  I was never worried about ovulating, so I didn't think much when I say a little blood, my breasts were tender and my ovaries where achy.  Combined with my high LH I should have been concerned.  This will never happen to me again because If I see the signs, I will ask for a ultrasound before ER.  My husband is hopeful they will help us out financially with our next cycle, I don't think they will.  We signed the consents!  This is all really just a crap shoot - a gamble.  We gambled at the best and lost.

I hope I am not making anyone less excited about going to CCRM.  I still believe they are the best and people should go to them immediately.