in Limbo

I tried to schedule a regroup, but Dr. S isn't available until Monday afternoon.  I go in tomorrow for bw/us and I could very well cancel myself.  It so hard to know what to do?  My dh arrives tomorrow. 

My disappointment is knowing my body can do better than this, not being able to do the genetic testing and if we cancel I will want to give my body a 3 month break and that prolongs our journey.  My dh is fine moving forward and paying out of pocket for another try in 3/4 months. 

I've attacked my fertility with such gusto over the last several years and I guess I'm winding down.  I'm tired.  More than ever I want to put this all in God's hands and hope.  Problem is, I've never been further away from my faith.