We've all see it before the classic IF moment...
I wake up and think about how relatively good I feel considering... I pick up my Iphone and read an email from a Resolve graduate. She was sweetly checking in and wanted me to know that her 5 month old twins are doing great.
I pause and think - 5 months + 9 months - WHAT THE FUCK.
Where has the time gone?
Oh my God, I have to wait another 5 more months before we even get to ER
Why did I move forward with that IUI
I'm so fucking stupid
WHY WHY WHY do I keep making mistakes
I'm so tired of feeling left behind. I am the last one in my Resolve group - I've gone through so many cycles of women.
I really dislike this person I've become. I can't wait until all the pregnancy hormones are out of me - maybe I'll like that person a little better.
Oh but wait, I don't get to be that person for very long because I get to go back on the juice.
I'm so thankful that my husband is appearing to be our rock, because I've lost it!
I'm so glad I have blogger. I really needed to vent and my peeps around me are so sick of hearing it!!!
I still cannot believe what you're going through. Hugs and kisses from Alabama.
ReplyDeletegoldie
ReplyDeleteI missed your last post somehow. I am so, so sorry for what your loss. the universe is incredibly unfair. please treat yourself gently and with care. you've been through a lot. and none of this - not one iota - is your fault.
thinking of you.
mo
I'm so sorry for your loss Goldie. IF just plain sucks - not sure what else to say. Hang in there and know that you are NOT alone!
ReplyDelete