Friday, May 4, 2012

The Classic IF Stuck Moment

We've all see it before the classic IF moment...

I wake up and think about how relatively good I feel considering...  I pick up my Iphone and read an email from a Resolve graduate.  She was sweetly checking in and wanted me to know that her 5 month old twins are doing great.

I pause and think - 5 months + 9 months - WHAT THE FUCK. 
Where has the time gone?

Oh my God, I have to wait another 5 more months before we even get to ER
Why did I move forward with that IUI

I'm so fucking stupid

WHY WHY WHY do I keep making mistakes

I'm so tired of feeling left behind.  I am the last one in my Resolve group - I've gone through so many cycles of women.

I really dislike this person I've become.  I can't wait until all the pregnancy hormones are out of me - maybe I'll like that person a little better. 

Oh but wait, I don't get to be that person for very long because I get to go back on the juice.

I'm so thankful that my husband is appearing to be our rock, because I've lost it!  

I'm so glad I have blogger.  I really needed to vent and my peeps around me are so sick of hearing it!!!

4 comments:

  1. I still cannot believe what you're going through. Hugs and kisses from Alabama.

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  2. goldie

    I missed your last post somehow. I am so, so sorry for what your loss. the universe is incredibly unfair. please treat yourself gently and with care. you've been through a lot. and none of this - not one iota - is your fault.

    thinking of you.

    mo

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  3. Goldie.
    You are not stupid. You are not making mistakes. You are doing everything in your power to have a baby, and you WILL be a Mom. There is nothing stupid about that! Is SO fucking frustrating to be stuck in this waiting cycle, but hang in there, bitch away, we are all here to listen and to support.

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  4. I'm so sorry for your loss Goldie. IF just plain sucks - not sure what else to say. Hang in there and know that you are NOT alone!

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