Friday, May 4, 2012

The Classic IF Stuck Moment

We've all see it before the classic IF moment...

I wake up and think about how relatively good I feel considering...  I pick up my Iphone and read an email from a Resolve graduate.  She was sweetly checking in and wanted me to know that her 5 month old twins are doing great.

I pause and think - 5 months + 9 months - WHAT THE FUCK. 
Where has the time gone?

Oh my God, I have to wait another 5 more months before we even get to ER
Why did I move forward with that IUI

I'm so fucking stupid

WHY WHY WHY do I keep making mistakes

I'm so tired of feeling left behind.  I am the last one in my Resolve group - I've gone through so many cycles of women.

I really dislike this person I've become.  I can't wait until all the pregnancy hormones are out of me - maybe I'll like that person a little better. 

Oh but wait, I don't get to be that person for very long because I get to go back on the juice.

I'm so thankful that my husband is appearing to be our rock, because I've lost it!  

I'm so glad I have blogger.  I really needed to vent and my peeps around me are so sick of hearing it!!!

3 comments:

  1. I still cannot believe what you're going through. Hugs and kisses from Alabama.

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  2. goldie

    I missed your last post somehow. I am so, so sorry for what your loss. the universe is incredibly unfair. please treat yourself gently and with care. you've been through a lot. and none of this - not one iota - is your fault.

    thinking of you.

    mo

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  3. I'm so sorry for your loss Goldie. IF just plain sucks - not sure what else to say. Hang in there and know that you are NOT alone!

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