Sunday, October 23, 2011

Same place

I had another ultrasound on Friday and our little one is still hanging on - 68 beats and no growth.  My gestational sac is growing appropriately.  I still have the same pregnancy symptoms. 

Everything is looking very bad, but they still want me to stay on meds.  They are releasing me to my OB so they can decide what to do with me.  Apparently, I have a unique pregnancy.  I want to stop pumping myself up with drugs.  I've thought about stopping.  I'm hoping to see my OB tomorrow to end all of this.  I think it's an ethical thing - I think the ultimate choice is up to me.  The Doc doesn't want to be responsible.  My CCRM nurse isn't sure now if I will have a natural miscarriage or a D & C.  Again, it will now be up to my OB.

I'm a little disappointed that we haven't heard from Dr. S.  I feel like he is leaving the tough choices up to me and my OB.  I hope I'll have a chance to talk to him at some point. 

Most of the time I'm ok.  8:00 pm is the bewitching hour.  I get very weepy and start going over all the things that I may have done to cause this...  I have a new empathy for anyone who has had a miscarriage.  I wonder if you are young woman have a different kind of experience?  Who knows?

 

9 comments:

  1. Ugh, I can't even imagine what you're going through. I'm so sorry. :(

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  2. I am so, so sorry Goldie.... Hugs.

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  3. This has got to be nightmare for you, especially since it is being dragged out and you don't have a clear plan of action yet. I hope that your OB will let you know what to do. It's just heartbreaking that you have to go through this. You are in my prayers.

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  4. What you are going through is a nightmare...I know...I've been there. I agree...things don't look good...but I will pray that you get some answers by your OB tomorrow to decide what to do. And NONE of this is your fault...none. Just wishing you peace in your heart soon. Grief is an ugly jerk...but don't control it...just let it happen and if 8PM is the bewitching hour...just let the tears flow. I promise it will not always feel this bad but you will never forget. Hugs...pg loss and IF are brutal but you've got sistas in your corner who care about you and know what you are going through. Take care....

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  5. Oh no, how awful for you. I so hope this ends soon so you can get some clarity and move forward. I am so terribly sorry, and I am thinking of you...

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  6. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this but please, please know that it is absolutely, in no way, your fault. Take care Goldie.

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  7. I am terribly sorry for what you are going through. I wish you didn't have to. I am thinking of you!

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  8. Lots of hugs Goldie. I am so happy that your little one is fighting and hanging on....but so sad that it's not more positive news. Truly thinking of you and praying for you.

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